Today (July 28th) is World Hepatitis Day so happy World Hepatitis Day everyone. I hope you are doing your part for this wonderful day and getting hepatitis yourself.
If you are struggling to catch it, here are a list of helpful ways that you can get your very own case of hepatitis:
1. Sexual contact
Oh yeah;) That’s right we start with one of the best things in life, sexual contact, so go out find a nice girl or guy, buy them a couple of drinks and then take them home and have some fun time.
If you aren’t lucky enough to be able to find a special someone to have some fun time with, don’t worry because there are plenty of other ways to catch hepatitis like;
2. Contaminated food and water
A much less stressful way of catching hepatitis. No need to approach anyone in a bar or club, no need to talk to strangers, just go to a shop and buy your favourite food or drink already contaminated with the virus.
Of course if you can’t find any food or drink you like contaminated with hepatitis and you don’t want any sexy time why not try;
3. Contact with blood or bodily fluids
Ask an infected person to cough, sneeze, spit, or bleed on you. Alternatively if you want to avoid talking to them, just lurk in the areas where they hang out and try to dive in front of their bodily fluids. Or go full vampire and steal their blood.
Perhaps you are looking for a more social way of catching hepatitis, in which case you may want to try:
4. Unsafe injections or transfusions
Next time you are shooting drugs with a bunch of strangers don’t bother to get clean needles, what a waste, no just share one instead and if you are lucky you will be walking away with hepatitis.
Of course before you go out trying to catch hepatitis you might want to check to see if you already have because there is another way of catching it:
5. From mother to child
If your mother loves you enough and is lucky enough to have her own case of hepatitis she might have passed it along to you as a nice little gift which you can pass along to your very own children.
Oh wait, I might have this the wrong way round. Apparently 1.45 million people a year die from viral hepatitis. That doesn’t sound like something you want to go out and catch.
DO NOT CATCH HEPATITIS
If you want to read more about World Hepatitis Day click here to get all kinds of useful information.