Joke of the day

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”

“Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”

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4 thoughts on “Joke of the day”

  1. I almost liked this one, almost. It reminded me of a joke my mother told me when I was old enough to get it, it’s her absolute favourite joke ever and she still cracks up when she hears it. I don’t think you’re going to mind as I’ve asked you before if I could put something up in the comments.

    A man goes into a bar, sits down and asks the barman for a martini. He’s sitting there quietly when a monkey who had been sitting on the piano suddenly rushed over to him and put it’s balls in the man’s drink. The man is disgusted and pushes the drink away and ordered another martini, when the monkey appears out of nowhere and again puts it’s balls into the man’s drink.

    The man asks the barman ‘Who’s monkey is that?’

    The barman replies ‘Oh he belongs to the pianist in the corner.

    The man gets up and approaches the pianist in the corner. He says ‘Hey man, do you know your monkey keeps putting it’s balls in my martini?’

    The pianist thinks about this for a few seconds, then replies’ Can you hum a few bars and I might pick it up’.

    Works better when you actually tell it to someone.

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