Five Word Challenge: Week 3 – A poor supervillain

Here is my story story for week 3 of the Five Word Challenge and good news, this time I didn’t leave it until the last minute, well not completely. I wrote that start of it earlier in the week.

The five words this week were:

  1.  Bridge
  2. Desert
  3. League
  4. Start
  5. Purple

My story this week is a comedy about a useless supervillain.

 Start

Darius Von Doom was sat in the main chamber of his super secret lair somewhere in the Arctic desert studying the monitors on the wall showing live feeds from all over the world, plus one that was showing re-runs of Scrubs. He was trying to think up his next evil scheme ready for September.

September was the month that the League of Evil, the elite group of the world’s best – or should that be worst – supervillains, accepted a new member into their rank. The villain who performed the biggest and most evil plot during September was the winner of the spot. Points were awarded for things like the number of people killed, the level of panic caused, the cost of the damage caused  – with bonus points of famous landmarks, and superheroes defeated.

“This will be my year” Darius said staring at the monitors. “I still have a month to think my evil plan and get all my preparations ready. I won’t lose again”.

Last year the place went to Miss Behave, the fat cow in the purple spandex that does nothing to hide how fat her arse is. She thought she was so cute and funny with her name ‘Miss Behave’.

“Really bloody clever” Darius thought “how long did it take you to come up with that? It probably took you longer to find a purple spandex outfit that fit”.

Darius got up out of his seat, left the main chamber, and headed towards his private quarters. Whenever he struggled to think of an idea he always retreated to his private quarters, drew himself a hot bath with lot’s and lot’s of bubbles, poured himself a chocolate milkshake, and watched a film. It was a ritual that never failed him.

As the water was running Darius went to pick out a film. “What do I want to watch today” he asked himself as he scanned the list of films he had illegally acquired. That made him smile, thinking about the hundred’s of pounds he had denied those fat cats in the movie industry. “I truly am evil. Oooooo ‘Finding Nemo'” he gasped as he came across it on the list.

He pressed play and climbed into his hot bath filled with bubbles and began sipping on his glass of chocolate milkshake as he relaxed and watched ‘Finding Nemo’. This would definitely help him think up an evil idea that would get him into the League of Evil.

Darius awoke some hours later to find that the film had finished and that the water was no longer hot. He got out of the bath and went to dry off and get changed.

“That could work” Darius thought to himself as he began walking down the corridor to the main chamber now that he was dressed. Once he was back in the main chamber he sat down at the main desk and began typing away furiously at his computer while laughing to himself. “Mwhahaha I’ve got it!” he shouted into the empty chamber. “I really need to find myself a sidekick or a minion so that I actually have someone to talk to” he said turning in his chair to face the empty chamber. “But that can wait for another time, for now I need to start getting things ready. And I’m still talking to myself” he added as he got up out of his seat and headed out of the chamber.

One month later

Darius was strolling along Tower Bridge, as he approached the middle of the bridge he pulled out his blaster gun and fired it at a double decker bus, causing it to go up in flames, before turning his blaster on HMS Belfast. “If I destroy London’s most famous landmarks that will surely impress the League” Darius thought to himself “and if any heroes show up I’ll take them down”.

Slowly Darius started strolling towards the Tower of London, as he did so he kept firing his blaster at the cars in the road causing them to go up in flames with a bit of a bang. “It’s so simple, a little rampage around one of the world’s most famous cities to raise your profile. They can’t ignore you then” he thought as kept get walking and shooting.

Just as Darius was approaching the entrance to the Tower of London Captain Fantastic – one of the world’s most popular superheroes (and a bit of a smug git) – swooped down and landed in front of him. “Halt evil doer” he said with a commanding tone to his voice.

“Really? You actually talk like that? Like some kind of corny stereotype? That’s quite sad” Darius asked hoping to throw him off his game.

“Alright fine” replied Captain Fantastic “who the hell are you and what do you think you are doing to my city?”

“I am Darius Von Doom” Darius said confidently “and I am destroying London’s famous landmarks to prove to the world…”

“Hang on just a minute. Darius Von Doom? DVD? You are an outdated media platform. And why is it every September all you wannabe villains that no one has ever heard off crawl out of the woodwork and start causing a nuisance?” Captain Fantastic asked with a smug smile on his face. “Oh wait I know why. Because you want to join that pathetic little group of supervillains”.

“Erm no” Darius desperately tried to lie “I just happened to have a lot of free time this September. My girlfriend is on holiday in Mexico for, for a couple of weeks. So yeah this seemed like a good way to kill the time”.

“Your girlfriend” Captain Fantastic asked trying not to laugh “you have a girlfriend? What’s her name?”

“It’s… erm. It’s… It’s none of your business what her name is” Darius retorted.

“Ha I knew it, you were lying” Captain Fantastic said laughing.

“Well this has been nice but I think I will be leaving now” Darius said as he slowly started walking backwards.

“Leaving so soon? You don’t want to fight?” Captain Fantastic asked as he flexed his muscles.

“Well see I would but erm I have to call my girlfriend on Skype in a bit and cook dinner, so, so I should probably leave now so I get back in time”. Darius said still slowly walking backwards.

“OK if that’s what you want. Just put your blaster gun on the floor and off you run” Captain Fantastic said pointing to the blaster gun in Darius’ hand.

Darius slowly put the blaster gun on the floor at his feet before turning around and running. “Bye” Captain Fantastic shouted after him.

Back at his super secret lair in the Arctic desert Darius was sitting in his chair staring at the monitors on the wall once again. This time they were playing various clips of Captain Fantastic from over the years and all the heroic stuff he has done.

“Of course you realise this is just the start of things Captain Fantastic. It’s just the start. I will be back. I will take you down and when I do I will finally get to join the League of Evil” Darius said into the empty chamber as he stared intently at the monitors. “I will be back”.

End

I really enjoyed writing this story and I like the character of Darius. I might try and include more stories with him in in the future or just write more stories for him.

As usual any feedback is greatly appreciated.

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